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The annual Edinburgh Festival Fringe has crowned its best joke of the year, along with nine runners-up. Here's this year's top 10:

WINNER: "I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta." — Masai Graham

"Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it's next-day delivery." — Mark Simmons

"My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock." — Olaf Falafel

"By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I — but it is the same house and it is the same family." — Hannah Fairweather

"I hate funerals — I'm not a mourning person." — Will Mars

"I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that's four hours of my life that I'm definitely getting back." — Olaf Falafel

"I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx." — Richard Pulsford

"I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery." — Tim Vine

"Don't knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate." — Sophie Duker

"I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days." — Will Duggan

In 1994, the family of 13-year-old Chris Kirkland made a bet that one day their son would play for Team England, with a bookie giving them 100-1 odds. The bet paid off in 2006, when the goalkeeper played for England in a match against Greece, with the family making £10,000.