Columbia's locally owned weekly newspaper since 1963

By mikem@thecolumbiastar.com | on June 30, 2022

The first time corporations decided to lie to consumers and profit from the result was when Lambert Pharmacal Company marketed Listerine by basically inventing halitosis as a troubling condition to increase sales of a ineffective cleaning product. In 1895.

In 1971, Gillette introduced a razor with two parallel blades, triggering a scam that is still being felt. As time passed Gillette, Schick, and other razor companies raised the BS level until razor blades were multi-bladed monstrosities requiring engineering degrees to operate, and they cost more than a cheap car.

Dollar Shave Club eventually brought sanity and low prices back to the clean American male face. For a while large razor companies laid low. Then Unilever bought Dollar Shave Club and things moved back toward normal practices. I saw a recent ad for a Gillette blade featuring exfoliating strips on the edge.

I never thought I’d live to see the day when men would use the word exfoliate, much less actually exfoliate their face with anything other than sandpaper, but I was mistaken. I’ve been mistaken a lot lately. The world is changing and men are desperately trying to change with it. And that’s a good thing, at least we’re trying. Razor blade technology could be worse. Consider our relationship with water.

Humans of all genders are getting really stupid where water is concerned. I remember water fondly during my first three decades—something plentiful and free—available in fountains, water hoses, and even natural sources like springs and creeks. Anyone working outside had a filled cooler and paper cups or a dipper nearby.

As children, we drank from any available water hose or outside spigot or ran inside to get a colder version from the always filled pitcher in the fridge. Anyone needing to take water for an excursion usually could find a cooler or thermos to fill and ice. Those working outside below the Mason Dixon Line had water close by from late April until mid September.

Danny Meigs’s mother, maybe the most organized woman I ever encountered, attacked Road Trip Thirst with individual plastic drinking cups with snap on tops filled with refreshing beverages—something called Tupperware.

Now most of us have micro-plastic particles in our bloodstream, there are two giant floating garbage dumps in the Pacific bigger than Massachsetts, and no one is slowing the flow.

One could purchase a home filter and several reusable water bottles and be set for life, but few bother. It’s so easy to purchase a case at Walmart and grab one when needed. Americans have spent more on water in plastic bottles in recent decades than we have on almost anything else except drugs and guns.

In addition to the plastic containers, bottled water is electrically treated, causing more environmental damage, and adorned with a fancy label telling us it is “smart” or “enhanced” or something else. Cirkul water offers 40 flavors of water. Imagine that.

Cirkul also offers a twist dial top that controls the amount of flavor and intelligence one puts in the water. I guess there is such a thing as too much intelligence.

Although I’m sure businesses aren’t too worried about American consumers having too much intelligence.

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